MCA #2 | Sunday Morning

[long_memory]

As much as Silver had tried to ignore his own feelings, even he had to admit this had been a long time coming. Flint had been right (which was so irritating), and Silver couldn't take it anymore. Leaving was hard...even harder knowing what he was voluntarily walking back to.

He jotted off a text to Rey before turning his phone off for good. Not like he could take it with him where he was going.

[This is Silver's last post, and it's for Rey!]

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[thatwaslucky]

Rey didn't think she'd ever gotten a text from him in the morning like that, so she was a little more curious than concerned when she opened the door to his apartment. He knew she was coming. "Hey," she greeted him.

[long_memory]

"Hey," he said. "Um, I wasn't interrupting anything, was I?"

This is where he instantly regretted being a decent human being and doing this face to face. But that whole pesky 'I love this person' thing kept him from being a jerk and just leaving. This is why he tried to avoid feelings in the past, damn it.

[thatwaslucky]

Rey shook her head. "Just usual morning stuff. What's wrong?"

She was leaning more to concerned with that 'um.'

[long_memory]

His immediate reaction was to say "nothing" like he always did, but somehow he was able to hold back. Instead he just blurted out the truth. "I'm leaving."

[thatwaslucky]

And now the concern was replaced by a feeling like her stomach had just dropped somewhere around her ankles, while still trying to tell herself she was jumping to conclusions.

"Leaving for where?"

[long_memory]

"Nassau. In the past," he said. "Flint--when he was here, he told me I'd regret it if I didn't finish what I started. The war, trying to free them from England. It was all hinging on me, and I just left it to save myself from anything complicated."

Basically he had done the opposite of what Rey had done when faced with a war.

[thatwaslucky]

"You always said you never wanted to go back to that," she said.

Definitely the opposite of what she would do but their ways of handling situations were usually different.

[long_memory]

"I know. I was happy with that decision. For awhile," he said. "But I think Flint was right. Not knowing how it all ends...it's been eating at me."

[thatwaslucky]

"Are you coming back?" By the sound of her voice, she already knew the answer.

[long_memory]

He frowned for a moment, and thought about those odds. He'd be lucky to make it out of this alive, much less come back.

"I don't think so," he said, shaking his head. "Not that I wouldn't want to, it's just...I don't want to lie to you. Not about this."

She had bigger things to focus on than worrying about him coming back. Best to just cut off hope now, even if it hurt.

[thatwaslucky]

She didn't say anything for a moment, mostly because she really didn't want to cry and was really afraid she would.

"I didn't see this coming." Maybe she should have?

[long_memory]

"I know. I kept it close to my chest." Like he did with, oh, just about everything. "I thought it was something I'd be able to ignore, and move past."

He shook his head again. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for it to happen."

[thatwaslucky]

Another one of those pauses, because she didn't want to ask this question, but she also needed to or she'd wonder forever. "Is it me?"

[long_memory]

"No," he said immediately. Firmly. "No, of course not. It's me...me trying to do the right thing, for once. Finish what I helped start."

He shrugged. "Trying to be more like you, I suppose."

[thatwaslucky]

Well, okay. She wasn't going to be able to hold back tears against that. "You had to start now, huh," she said, trying for a joke.

[long_memory]

It made Silver smile at least, which was something he didn't see coming when this conversation started. He approached her slowly to pull her into a hug, making sure she had time to push him away if she wanted. "Better late than never?"

[thatwaslucky]

She was not pushing him away. She kind of felt like she should cling as long as she could.

"I think it goes without saying that I hate this."

[long_memory]

"I know," he said, doing some clinging himself. "But it's right. I know it is. And I know you can handle it."

[thatwaslucky]

She nodded, but took a moment to get the tears under control before asking, "When do you go?"

[long_memory]

"Portals to 1715 are surprisingly hard to find." No kidding, Silver. It's because no one actually wanted to go to a century without indoor plumbing. "Only one I could get is for this evening."

It was a good thing he came here with nothing because that meant he had nothing to pack.

[thatwaslucky]

"So we have today." Was that better or worse?

[long_memory]

If you asked Silver? He'd say it was better. Drawing things out...it'd give him too much time to rethink everything, go back to cowardice and then end up with resentment down the line. That'd make things worse for the both of them.

He nodded again. "I know, it's fast. I thought to draw things out would make things worse."

[thatwaslucky]

Yeah, probably.

"I can skip work, if you want."

If he wanted. She didn't know if her staying would also be drawing things out.

[long_memory]

"I'd like that," he admitted. "If it won't be too much for you."

He would totally understand if she wanted to punch him and never see him again.

[thatwaslucky]

"I love you." She felt like she needed to say that. Maybe a lot. "If today's all that I get, then I want that."

[long_memory]

"I love you too," he said. "Always."

Even if this was the last time he'd get to say it.

[thatwaslucky]

Rey leaned in to kiss him, because she needed to do that, too. It was already too much to think that she wasn't going to be doing that anymore.

[long_memory]

Silver was going to miss that too. He had kind of thought this would make him question everything, but instead he felt...weirdly calm? Like Rey's understanding just solidified the fact that this was the right thing to do.

"You're going to be okay," he murmured. "We both are."

[thatwaslucky]

The biggest thing was knowing him well enough to know that if he came to her with this at all, it was too late to talk him out of it.

"I know," she said, nodding. "I wish I could go with you."

But she knew she couldn't. Couldn't even offer.

[long_memory]

"I couldn't deprive the Resistance of their best fighter," Silver said lightly. "They'd be lost without you."

[thatwaslucky]

"I have to exercise those leadership skills you keep telling me about." Smiles weren't really coming, but she was trying.

[long_memory]

"Until it's perfected, you fake it," he reminded her, leaning in to kiss the top of her head. "Eventually it'll feel natural, and nobody will know the difference, I promise you."

[thatwaslucky]

"I'll work on it," she told him. "You really have been fantastic to me."

For her, too, if she was being honest.

[long_memory]

Silver let out a surprised little laugh. "I should be saying that to you."

[thatwaslucky]

"It can be mutual," Rey said. "There's a reason this worked."

[long_memory]

"You're right," he said. "We helped each other out, didn't we?"

He just hope he remembered what he had learned. Nassau tended to make you make ill-advised decisions.

[thatwaslucky]

"I would have insisted you taught me more right up until you told me your reason," she half-laughed.

She was going to keep reminding herself it was the right thing to do and she didn't screw herself over by being a good example.

[long_memory]

Silver smiled slightly, happy that he could get at least a little laugh out of her. "We've got a couple hours before I leave. I can try to think of other lessons before I go."

[thatwaslucky]

"You're going to have to think pretty fast," she teased. Or attempted to tease.

Since it'd be his last chance to say those things and all.

[long_memory]

"That is true," he said, frowning slightly. "I really messed things up, didn't I?"

[thatwaslucky]

Rey frowned right back at him. "How so?"

[long_memory]

"Just you know--" He gestured vaguely with one hand. "--the timing of everything."

[thatwaslucky]

"I don't know if the timing for this is ever good," Rey pointed out.

[long_memory]

"...that is very true," he admitted. "So I'm doing it extremely right?"

[thatwaslucky]

"I think you're doing it right." There was another one of those little pauses. "I don't think there was ever going to be a good time for this after I texted you to come over that night. But I'm not mad. And like you said, we're going to be okay."

[long_memory]

"We are." He was much more confident that she was going to be okay rather than him, but he wasn't about to worry her with his pessimism. "How would you like to spend the next few hours?"

[thatwaslucky]

She meanwhile was completely confident he was going to be okay. No doubt in her mind.

"I kind of just want to hold you," she admitted.

[long_memory]

He smiled, though there was a twinge of sadness to it. "I'd like that too."